THE CAT USER'S MANUAL
User Installation and Maintenance Documentation
CAT vs. 7.0: Completely Autonomous Telepurronics
Manufactured by MOM CAT
System Design SpecifiCATions:
Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video and Audio Input
Auto Search Routines for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Instant Transition (2 nanoseconds) Between Standby
and Full Power Mode
basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of on site ROM
programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are installed during
this period. Since MOM CAT uses local suppliers, there may be
variations between units.
transportation case should be used for transportation to the operating
site. Failure to properly ship a CAT unit may result in loss or damage
to the unit and/or serious injury to the end user.
receiving the CAT unit, the user should examine the unit to verify that
all I/O channels are operational. Look for minor bugs in or on the
system. Bugs are indiCATive of the MOM CAT production environment. The
user may manually remove any bugs.
Bring the CAT to operation in
an environment temperature at 70°F (±3° tolerance). Use a quiet room
with the primary user(s) present. Open the transportation case and let
the CAT unit autoexit. Initialize the self learning program Katfind® by
displaying the input bins. These should contain H2O (liquid state, room
temperature, 99% purity) and dry energy pellets. Immediately
afterwards, display the output bin.
If the user already has a
CAT unit successfully installed, it may be possible to transfer BASIC
routines to the new CAT. For the first day or two, the CAT will stay in
self learning mode. When the learn buffer overflows, the CAT will
autoswitch to sleep mode. This is normal. The MMU system will store the
new information to permanent memory. After 72 hours, the CAT will be
interacting with the operating environment.
The unit may be
placed in direct sunlight. CAT units are operational in all axis:
standing, sitting, or laying down. If all basic environment
requirements are satisfied, the CAT system will produce a slight hum.
This is normal.
A new CAT should not exit the primary site
facility. Full portability comes after extensive burn in. Some users
never let the CAT unit autoexit the site. The advantages are longer
unit life and fewer bugs. Contact with pirate CAT units may lead to
unplanned BATCH iteration. Contact with untested CATs may lead to virus
infection. If allowed to exit, fatal errors may happen. If you decide
to let your CAT out, it should have a READ_ME.TXT file with a system
address and URL which identifies the host site.
Your CAT should
have a system name. The name may need to be reinitialized repeatedly
until the system can read it correctly. This lets you issue voice
commands to bring the unit to an online state. Many owners give their
CAT's a secret password as well. You can also get the CAT's attention
by booting the system. While this is effective, it is discouraged.
At present, there are few productivity appliCATions for CAT.
MOUSE is a killer app. This is pre-installed.
owners use their system for game playing. CATs play best when they are
new. Older units suffer a system timing decay which leads to reduced
response and flexibility. Some CAT games are:
The CAT will CACHE a data string. Similar to the K9 unit game, but the object must be smaller.
Move the data string through the air. The CAT unit will reach new heights of operation.
the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to parse itself.
Some units may ESCape. Reboot the system by calling its name.
Played between two CAT units or a CAT and a K9 unit. Units take turns as one is the data and the other attempts to parse it.
DANCE and SING
Offer fishy data code to elicit a range of audio output.
CATs will self-recharge. This takes 20 hours in a 24 hour cycle.
are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do not clean the
unit with alcohol or benzene-based solvents. This may lead to a violent
A CAT unit should be taken once a year to a VET for a system checkup.
not attempt to open a CAT. There are no user serviceable parts inside.
If a unit emits unusual smells or sounds, it should be serviced
immediately by a VET.
You may examine the CAT system to
determine if it has a male or female SCSI port. If the port is male,
then the CAT unit may emit a non-toxic aerosol. The VET can remove this
component. CATs with female ports are plagued by periodic heating
problems. The VET can fix this permanently by removing an internal
part. Such systems should run UNIX.
systems are normally user friendly. However, in certain documented
situations, a CAT may pose a danger to the user. Repeated jamming or
obstruction of I/O ports may lead to deployment of auto-defense
systems. Never attempt a first strike on a CAT system. Its CPU clock
rate made to mil specs and thus classified, but JANE'S FIGHTING FELINES
notes that a unit was seen by ham radio operators to be apparently
moving at 500 MHz. Twin D-shaped five-pin connectors have an average
seek rate of 3 nanoseconds. The manufacturer is not responsible for
injuries to the user.
Children should not poke anything into the CAT's I/O ports. CAT may BYTE.
In dry, cold weather, a surface electrostatic charge may build up. To avoid electric shock, stand on an insulated surface.
Do not operate the CAT above water. This may lead to end-user damage.
Carry the CAT firmly. Do not swing it by its "tail."
you properly care for your CAT, it will give you years of loyal
service. Many users get a second unit, to enjoy the ability to run
complex simulation games.
CAT users can find other users and FAQ on the Usenet Newsgroup: rec.pets.cats.
The CAT unit is guaranteed against CATastrophic failure. Nine coupons are included.
The Ctrl key on most CAT units is defective. This may lead to serious performance problems.
Do not install a BIRD unit at a site which has an operational CAT unit. These tend to disappear.
Models: Main frame, desktop and laptop models (smallest
footprint in the industry). Available in 15 inch, 17 inch, and
19 inch sizes.
Interface: Touch sensitive interface for maximum user
Memory: Not much. Upgrades available real soon now.
Expected Lifetime: 15 years (although 20 years is common).
Weight: 10 to 16 lbs... without optional cables.
Speed: 3 nanoseconds search/find with self-uprighting
Color Graphics: Either paper white, monochrome
(black/white), 64 gray shades, or maximum of 16 million
colors with 40 terrabits of high resolution floating point
Sound Chip: 16 octaves, digital MIDI output (MI/OU).
Power Consumption: 250 grams protein daily (2 micrograms
Operating Range: -22° to +105°F
Vibration: 5-500 Hz, one octave/min, dwell at all resonance
Contacting CAT Technical Support: Our highly trained technicians are ready to help you. As soon as they wake up from their nap.